I went to see
The Hobbit several weeks after it came out (full disclosure, I never wait in line to see something on its opening night, I just don't, ever) with my partner. We had heard that it was terrible. Luckily, the closest theater was small and wasn't bothering to show it in 3D at 48 fps. I'm old, have been old since I was a teenager, and have never been able to bear watching movies in 3D anyway. Hurts my eyes. So, anyway, we heard it was awful, and decided to bring alcohol to help us get through. We concocted a monstrous cocktail called "Brandywine" from several spirits mixed with cheap wine, put it in a water bottle decorated with dramatic wolves, and set off.
The theater was very full, especially for this particular theater, and we found seats that were at such an obnoxious angle from the screen that my partner started freaking out, and we scrambled to find two seats in the middle that were even remotely close together. We did eventually find some, and as the movie went on, I had to pass the Brandywine over my head and then reach backwards to retrieve it again repeatedly, but it was ok. We were kinda drunk, but enjoying the movie, when we noticed various strangenesses happening in the theater around us.
First, people were packing their stuff up and leaving after 20 or 30 minutes into the movie. Other people were coming in this late, or later, to replace them. A lady repeatedly left the seat beside me, I think like 5 times, each time managing to kick the Brandywine (luckily, it was carefully stoppered) or my shins each time. A loud couple's argument broke out nearby at about the half-way mark of the movie, where a man and a woman started screaming "Fuck you! Why don't you leave?!" "Why don't YOU leave, fuck YOU!" A large family came in, obviously for the first time, at about 20 minutes from the END of the film, and just staggered back and forth in front of the screen. In general, people were having loud conversations and yelling at each other through the last half of the film.
Reflecting on the situation later, it all just seemed odd. Do only crazy people go to the movies the week of Christmas? Is everyone you see in public just going to be crazy during this time? Or did
The Hobbit in particular attract a crowd of poorly socialized cretins? I don't know for sure. However, my partner and I managed to enjoy ourselves, maybe it was the Brandywine, maybe the film was actually entertaining. Maybe we're both really used to ignoring crazy fucks who scream inanities to the empty air because we live in Portland, Oregon. Also, maybe, to other people, I was equally obnoxious when I sang several of the songs from the 1977 animated
The Hobbit in the theater bathroom after the movie was over.
Anyway, I liked it, even though obviously Peter Jackson et al. strayed from the book in many places, and I expect, many more places to come in the next two films. I read
The Hobbit in the 4th grade when my reading comprehension was really low, and I don't think I ever read it again (so I can't be totally sure what all was different). I didn't get to the Lord of the Rings trilogy until high school. I was always a fantasy nerd, but in my day, it was something to be ashamed of. It wasn't like today, with all the young people's "nerd pride" and such. No one at school could know what I was reading in my spare time, because maybe I'd be killed, or worse, would have to hang out with the tiny group of dorks that debated
Forgotten Realms vs.
Dragonlance during lunch. I liked to read fantasy novels, but I didn't want to know what anyone else thought of them. I had VHS copies of the Rankin & Bass
The Hobbit, and their
Lord of the Rings, and the Ralph Bakshi rotoscoped
Lord of the Rings, and I loved them, but if anyone asked, would make fun of them, gladly denying them three times before the cock crowed. This secretive knowledge being my background, maybe I should have been outraged like some of the film critics in the reviews I saw. But I just thought it was fun to watch, and liked the way Martin Freeman played Bilbo.
My favorite moment was the awesome hugging scene. I couldn't stop myself from gasping, throwing my hands to my face in the most effete manner possible, and whispering to my baffled partner, "Oh my god, there's going to be so much slash fiction written about this!" And the internets have not disappointed me. "Thilbo Bagginshield" out the wazoo, and I'm absolutely delighted. It's enough to make me realize how very unfortunate it is that these movies could never actually show a homosexual relationship explicitly. I remember years back returning to my parents house with them after we went to see
Return of the King while I was visiting them for Christmas. I was perhaps still a little high from escaping being trapped, immobile in a packed theater for the last three hours, and I squealed a little over how romantic Frodo and Samwise were together, and how shoehorned-in the Samwise-marrying-a-lady-hobbit thing was. My dad got upset and started ranting about how everyone was always trying to make everything gay all the time and what a freaking tragedy that was, blah blah blah. Well, I personally refuse to stop trying to gay-ify all the not-gay or only subtly-gay themes in media. It's just more fun. I don't owe it to any straight people to respect the not-gayness of certain things, and that includes the works of J. R. R. Tolkien. I leave you with this (by an excellent writer known as littleblackdog, posting at archiveofourown.org):
“Hobbits are simple creatures,” Bilbo murmured, carding fingers slowly through coarse beard; Thorin resisted the urge to press into the sensation, though the smooth, deepening pitch of Bilbo’s voice did not ease his attempts at restraint. “Who value comfort and pleasure above most all else. Courting usually begins with favours and small gifts, sharing of meals, and kisses, of course—”
Surging forward, Thorin caught Bilbo’s mouth, open mid-word, and wasted no time licking his way inside, claiming a small taste. Before he could even begin to coax the hobbit nearer, Bilbo was clambering over to perch on his lap, returning the kiss with fervour Thorin had not expected, but appreciated heartily enough. The hand in his beard tightened, pulling gently but firmly to tilt his head, and Thorin could not help but comply, groaning loud and rough as Bilbo’s tongue slid wetly against his own.
The halfling kissed like an earthquake, shaking Thorin down to his bones. His hands gripped at soft clothing and the promise of warm, supple flesh beneath, hanging on.
and also this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGF5ROpjRAU
